Back in 2018 I was a typical Brit as far as I’m aware. Born in Rotherham and raised in Sheffield I had very little understanding or awareness of Islam. There were very few muslims around me growing up and I went to a Christian school. Though I can’t speak for everybody, I don’t think many at the school took Christianity too seriously. Aside from the hymn in morning assembly and carol services at Christmas time, there wasn’t much emphasis on what it meant to be a Christian and I never really cared to wonder.
Wanting to believe in God but labelling myself as “spiritual”
As I got older and more curious I began reading books on some Eastern philosophy – Daoism, Confucianism, Buddhism and Jainism. They all seemed to show promise of what I felt like my intuition had always told me – that we all come from One.
Daoism seemed to be what resonated with me the most at the time. It describes The Dao as some kind of indescribable conscious energy that creates, controls and balances everything – at least that’s how I understood it. I felt like all of these philosophies had this concept of balance whether it be Yin & Yang, Karma or whatever else, and this is a truth I recognised. However, my biggest difficulty in accepting this truth wholeheartedly was that when nature balances itself to such perfection, where does humanity fit in with that? How can mankind be capable of such cruelty and destruction without any form of recompense, it just never seemed to balance in my mind.
Could reincarnation rectify the imbalance?
I never really took the concept of reincarnation too seriously. I just end up with more questions than answers, and to me, the absolute truth should be simple and concise. Like if I live a good life and become a beautiful bird for doing so, what happens after I die as a bird? What determines what I become next, because it’s not like you see consciously aware animals doing good deeds so they come back as something greater. It may seem silly, but that’s just where my reasoning would take me.
I stayed at this kind of half hearted spiritual belief for a while. I enjoyed reading Tao Te Ching which is a compilation of poems believed to be written by Lao Tzu. I loved the way that the poetry would try to describe the nature of the Dao whilst always conceding that words could never truly resemble the Dao. Looking back now it reminds me of Surah Al Ikhlas, that God is One, the eternal and sustainer of everything, depending on nothing and cannot be compared to anything.
A call back to Abrahamic faith
But I was not aware of a single Quranic verse at the time. I didn’t even know what Islam and muslim translated to. However I fell in love with a muslim which prompted me to learn the religion. I always said to her, I will keep an open mind to anything until I feel like it opposes my beliefs or values.
All praise is due to Allah (swt) through his will I was given the incentive I needed to learn all about the religion.